Raising Teenagers

Remember when they were little? When you used to kiss those sweet little pink toes, wipe little tears with your sleeve and bounce them on your knee?

Now those days are over and you have a kid who's bigger than you are, and you're longing for those simple days when the worst you had to contend with was the occasional smelly diaper. Those sweet little feet that used to clomp around in his fathers shoes are probably bigger than yours, and the scent could be classified as a lethal weapon. He wouldn't dare to show tears in front of you, and bouncing him on your knee could mean a trip to the Emergency room for you both. Teenagers.

Parents of teenagers fall into two categories; those who remember being a teenager themselves, and those who don't. If you fall into the latter category, you might want to consider a trip down memory lane. Don't expect your teenager to understand you, right now it's your job to understand him.

There are two undeniable truths about teens:

1. They are not children - And trying to treat them like the children they were a few years ago will only serve turn your home into a battlefield.

2. They are not adults - And trying to treat them like the adults you hope they'll be in a few years will lead to disaster.

Let begins with an explanation of the complex nature of teens: "Teenagers are part child, part adult, and part alien"...... They need a firm guiding hand, but this must be coupled with trust and appreciation. "Everyone wants to feel special, especially teenagers".

I am the parent of a teenager. I was raised by parents with very different philosophies, and from those experiences have been able to develop my own "middle ground" parenting strategies.

Teenagers need to explore, grow and learn on their own. It's important to let them express themselves, while still maintaining boundaries for acceptable behavior. As much as they push those boundaries, they do feel secure knowing that the boundaries exist.

Discipline is important, as is punishment when the boundaries are crossed. The key is, and this is the most crucial rule of parenting, to be consistent. Our teenager needs to know that if he breaks rule A, the consequences will be B.

The irony to this is; knowing consequences B will be there, they will sort for surviving plan C God, help me with these brainy sons.

The world has changed since we were kids. The world our teenagers live in is full of profanity, Movies, music and video games rule. By the time your child is a teenager, he's already heard and seen much more than you did at his age.

Therefore it is the parent obligation to draw a line for them and teach them the necessary values. Today teenagers talk about life, when they have the least clue what life is all about. And then they so easily say "life is not fair!"

It's impossible to completely shelter our child from the world, and if you do, he won't be equipped to survive. So, instead of insisting that he live in my "world", I try spending a little bit of time in his. I find that when I spend time reading the words of the music he listens to, watch him play video games, and read what interests him, I am more understanding of his experience as a teenager.

From what I can tell about teenage boys their love for food and the way they will raid the refrigerator No food is safe from their all consuming appetite. It also amazes me how much they can sleep! They seem to hibernate year round. And the teasing we could do when they were younger is now forbidden.

Raising teenagers successfully is a challenge and a blessing. It takes hard work and perseverance, but the end result is worth all the effort.

This news excerpt that I included is one example that we can't blame teenagers on their wrongdoings. There are lots of factors that lead them into these unacceptable behaviors. Highest in the list is parental guide and this is the major failure as surveyed causing the misbehavior of our teenagers. I couldn't deny this as the years in raising my sons proven the importance of parental guide that comes with love and trust. Not forgetting those who are in close proximity with these teens especially the teachers. We can't deny that teachers is an extended arm to the parental guide and if these teachers do not fall into the category of being able to give parental guide, that's the reason why most teachers too failed to discipline the teenagers…and I believe it is so after having seen how the teachers failed to handle troubled teenagers. Parental guide in each of us in dealing with teenagers.

BERITA HARIAN 2 Mac 2007:Henti salahkan remaja: Shahrizat

KUALA LUMPUR: Kajian sebuah institusi pengajian tinggi awam (IPTA) yang mendapati sebahagian besar remaja berisiko tinggi mempunyai masalah moral yang membimbangkan, adalah tersasar serta tidak menggambarkan keadaan sebenar.

Menteri Pembangunan Wanita, Keluarga dan Masyarakat, Datuk Seri Shahrizat Abdul Jalil, berkata tanggapan negatif kajian itu tidak adil kerana membabitkan sejumlah kecil pelajar bermasalah dan di satu negeri saja.

"Berhenti salahkan remaja. Ini tidak adil untuk mereka kerana ia tidak menggambarkan kajian secara menyeluruh. Kita kalau buat kajian membabitkan kumpulan kecil yang bermasalah saya fikir ini tidak betul," katanya pada sidang akhbar selepas Pelancaran Festival Kesusasteraan Antarabangsa Kuala Lumpur 2007, di sini, semalam.

Kajian Profil Remaja Perempuan Risiko Tinggi Terhadap Remaja Perempuan Berisiko Tinggi Atau Bermasalah oleh Pakar Psikologi Kanak-Kanak dan Remaja, Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia (UKM), Dr Khaidzir Ismail mencetuskan kebimbangan berikutan 886 daripada 887 pelajar perempuan kategori berisiko tinggi yang menuntut di sekolah menengah di sebuah negeri mengaku pernah melakukan hubungan seks.

Kajian tiga bulan berakhir Disember 2006 itu membabitkan pelajar tingkatan satu hingga lima dengan 20 pelajar berisiko tinggi daripada setiap sekolah dipilih kaunselor sebagai responden.

Shahrizat menggesa semua pihak berlaku adil terhadap remaka kerana ada antara mereka mempamerkan jati diri yang tinggi.

"Kita ada remaja yang mempunyai nilai murni, tidak tinggal sembahyang, jati diri yang kuat, tetapi kenapa mesti kita lihat daripada aspek yang negatif sehingga membabitkan kesemua remaja?.

"Saya selalu tengok orang yang sering menghukum ini adalah orang tua, entah apa yang mereka buat masa muda dulu, baru sekarang hendak cakap perkara itu salah, perkara ini salah, tengok masa muda apa dia buat?," katanya.

Bagaimanapun, Shahrizat mengaku masalah sosial ketika ini membimbangkan dan kerjasama masyarakat perlu bagi membendungnya.

"Kita terlalu cepat menghukum seseorang terutama membabitkan remaja. Kalau buat macam itu kita takut mereka ini akan berdepan masalah hilang keyakinan diri dan rasa tidak dihargai," katanya.

Sementara itu, Naib Canselor UKM, Datuk Dr Sharifah Hapsah Syed Hasan Shahabudin, berkata kajian itu dilakukan atas permintaan kerajaan Selangor yang mahu mencari punca dan penyelesaian kepada permasalahan remaja.

Beliau berkata, kajian membabitkan 887 remaja bermasalah di Selangor bukan menggambarkan majoriti golongan itu di negara ini.

"Kajian itu sebenarnya membabitkan 15 perkara salah laku yang dilakukan remaja bermasalah dan ia sebahagian proses latihan pelajar UKM selain bertujuan membina modul pemulihan dan kaunseling untuk remaja terbabit.

"Sebelum kaedah didikan dapat dikenal pasti, sudah pasti kajian mendalam mengenainya perlu dijalankan," katanya pada sidang media Pelancaran Direktori Kepakaran IPTA, di sini, semalam.